I like the way water feels,
When you are floating on top,
Staring at the sky.
My body, it glides effortlessly
Through the gentle blue liquid.
I might have heavy thighs,
And warmth in the middle.
But being here,
Removes all of that.
Gathering at the pool,
All shapes and sizes.
Insecure in our suits,
Yet we push the water together,
This way and that.
Stretching our muscles,
Running our hearts.
Our bodies aren’t a label
As we splash about.
We’re here to increase mobility
And do a bit of a workout.
There’s a feeling of empowerment,
Without any feeling of doubt.
We chatter to each other
And wish each other a good night.
What’s so wrong with emotion?
Anger. Sadness. Empathy. Tears.
Is it so wrong to show your heart
From the inside out?
Emotions, they run thick through my blood,
I show my heart through my eyes.
I react to the moment, and the pain.
Words they cut and slice,
My thin skin has years of scars.
Tears have left rivets on my face,
And emptied my mind.
My soul has been burnt,
Stung by your witty arrogance.
My fault for feeling this way,
For caring for more than myself.
Is respect based on being a jerk,
Lying with disguised motivation.
Artificial ideal of intelligence
Forced ego and fake charisma.
Is it my curves and my size,
That makes you doubt me?
I tower tall, and my hair is big,
But I have talents, skills.
In a hole so deep,
have lost sheep as I sleep.
My mind in a battle of wits,
throwing skits of fact and fiction.
I wake up in a sweat.
Confused, disoriented and on the edge of a threat.
Life and death is nearly just a step.
Awake one day and gone the next.
A heart so heavy it feels weak. The pain has caused such grief.
Life feels so bleak, devoid of colour, like an old sweater.
The weather, it matches my mood, I have no groove.
I don't want to move or be free.
I want to wallow and get lost without navigation on the sea.
Let me be.
Give up on me.
Let me drown in my mind awash with my guilt and shame. It's who I am. Don't give me forgiveness, I do not live blessed.
I can barely get dressed because of the stress.
I am a mixed up and a worthless mess.
Let me rest, I think It's best.
Sometimes I long for simpler days.
When no questions were asked, rules I relied. A world of "easy" lives and religious guides.
But looking back, that world was full of lies.
Don't do this, don't do that. What are you blind? The scriptures are in your face, a belt on your waist, chained in place.
Drowning inside full of anger and grief. Alone in a room full of voices but given few choices.
Follow like a sheep, feel the thud of the rod. Against your skin, it burns.
Moments, they sear in your brain, molding the future. Buried deep in guilt, shame.
It's not my fault, living a life without proper boundaries. Unhinged parents with a marriage constantly a disaster.
Love felt like a fantasy, out of reach. Yet explained, instructed, encouraged and preached.